YuGiOh! Does Hercules
by Chikorita-Trainer1
Summary: Joey wants to become a true hero, to earn his place among the sorcerers of the pharaoh's court. With help from Tristan and Mai, he just might be able to go the distance. Polarshipping, obviously!
1. and That's the Gospel Truth

Author's Note: It's been a while since I did a parody. I've wanted to do this one for a long time, but I didn't own Hercules. Until now! Now I can memorize it and parody it. I'm pretty sure I'm not the first person to notice that Meg is a lot like Mai. So, obviously, Mai is going to be Meg, and therefore, Joey will be Hercules. Also, very important, it's been rumored that Joey's past life was a friend of the pharaoh, named Jono or something. That ought to explain what you're about to read.

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Hercules.

G

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Egypt, there was a golden age of powerful sorcerers and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes were the pharaoh Atem and his friend, Jono. But what is the measure of a true hero? Well, that is what our story is-_

"Will you listen to her? She's making this story sound like some fan-fiction tragedy!" (A/N: Yes, I know in the movie the narrator is a man. But I'm telling this story and I'm a girl.)

"Lighten up, girl!"

"We'll take it from here, darling!"

_You go, girls._

"We are the harpies; torturers of men, and proclaim-ers of heroes!"

"Heroes like Joey Wheeler!"

"Honey, you mean WOW-ler! Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with-"

"OUR STORY, actually begins long before Joey, many eons ago…

"OH YEAH!

Back when the world was new

The planet Earth was down on its luck

And everywhere gigantic Shadow monsters ran amuck!

It was a nasty place! There was a mess wherever you stepped.

Where chaos reigned and dragons and said monsters never slept!

"WOO! SAY IT GIRLFRIEND!"

"And then came Atem!"

He used his shadow powers

"He zapped!"

Sealed those monsters in stone

"They're trapped!"

And on his own stopped chaos in its tracks!

And that's the gospel truth!

The guy was too type 'A' to just

RELAAAAAAAX!

And as the world first did!

"Yeah, baby."

He saved the globe while still in his youth.

Though honey, it may seem imposs'ble,

That's the gospel truth!

The land of Egypt: life was neat

And smooth and sweet

And cool!

Ahh…!

Though honey, it may seem imposs'ble

That's the gospel

Truth!

Ah!

Oh…

Ahh!

Oh…

AAHH!

AAAHHH!"

-----------------------------------------------**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules**----------------------------------------------------

(SKIP AHEAD TO PRESENT DAY (present as in when Joey would have been a baby) IN THE PHARAOH'S MEMORY WORLD DIMESION)

In a dimension parallel to ours, there lives the spirit of the pharaoh, Atem, and his loyal subjects. Atem and his queen, Isis, were celebrating the birth of baby Jono. He was fiddling with her headband. "Jono," she chuckled. "behave yourself!"

"Look," said Atem, coming to observe Jono in his crib. "Look how cute he is…" he made a silly face to amuse the child. Jono was staring in fascination at the dozens of stone tablets around him that depicted Duel Monsters. "He likes Duel Monsters, like me," said Atem.

Shimon, the pharaoh's messenger, delivered a bouquet of flowers to Isis. "Coming through! One side, Karim," he said.

"Why Shimon," she said. "they're lovely!"

"Yeah, you know, I had Mana do the arrangement, isn't that too nutty?" Addressing the pharaoh now, he said, "Fabulous party, you know I haven't seen this much love in a room since Seto discovered himself!" (A/N: Get it? 'cause Seto's really self-absorbed?)

Isis noticed Jono chewing on Atem's Millennium Puzzle. "Dear," she said. "keep that away from the baby."

"Oh, he won't hurt himself," said Atem. "let the kid have a little fun." Jono however, bit a little too hard, and got a surge of Shadow Magic. Upset, he tossed the puzzle aside with an angry cry.

"On behalf of this child," said Atem. "I want to thank you all for your wonderful gifts!"

"What about our gift, dear?" asked Isis. Suddenly, Atem remembered he'd summoned a special monster just for Jono. A winged horse.

"Hmm, yes…a little Shadow Magic…and…a touch of light…and a dash of the sense of friendship…" Jono touched a stone tablet, and out popped a baby winged-horse. "His name is Copernicus. And he's all yours."

Copernicus licked the baby, and Jono whimpered in fear. Soon, he butted heads with the horse, and hugged him in acceptance. Everyone else just went, "Awwww!"

"Mind his head," said Isis as she handed the baby to Atem.

"He's so tiny," said Atem. "My protégé. My little…Jono."

"How sentimental," came a dark and chilling voice. Everyone turned to see Dartz, the dismal ruler of the lost souls of the Orichalchos, standing in the shadows. "You know I haven't been this…CHOKED UP since I got a hunk of SASHIMI caught in my throat! HAH!" No one laughed. "So is this an audience or a wall of hieroglyphics?" he added sarcastically. "Hey, how you doing?" he said to someone. "Looking good. Nice dress."

"So Dartz, you finally made it," said Atem, putting his arm around the green-haired man. "How are things in Atlantis?"

Dartz carefully dropped Atem's hand from his shoulder. "Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, little gloomy, and as always, hey, full of dead people! What are you going to do? Oh! There's the little sun-spot!" he said, bending down to look at Jono. "Little snoochie! And here…is a sucker for the little sucker! Ah, there ya go, kid…" he was about to place a pointy object in the baby's mouth when Jono grabbed Dartz's finger and squeezed. "AGH!"

Jono giggled like the stupid baby he was.

"Eh…powerful…little tyke…" mumbled Dartz.

"Come on, Dartz, don't be such a stiff. Join the celebration!" said Atem.

"Hey, love to, babe," said Dartz. "But unlike you sorcerers lounging about up here, I regrettably have a full-time gig that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, _Atem,_ so…_can't. _Love to, but _can't._" (A/N: I know Dartz has been around longer than the pharaoh, but just work with me, OK?)

"You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death!" said Atem. Then, realizing he'd made a good joke, he repeated it. "Ha! Work yourself to death! Ah ha ha!" Everyone laughed as the pharaoh fell down into his throne, pounding the armrest with his fist. "I kill myself!"

"Oh, if only…" Dartz muttered under his breath. "_If only…"_

"_If there's one sorcerer you don't want to get steamed up, it's Dartz."_

" '_cause he had an evil plan…_

"_He ran the underworld_

_But thought the dead were dull and uncouth._

_He was as mean as he was ruthless_

_And that's the gospel truth._

_He had a plan to shake things up_

_And that's the gospel truth!"_

Back at his lair, in Atlantis, Dartz beckoned his minions, whom had been transported to his dimension from theirs. He could summon them and send them back as he pleased. "REX!"

A badly-dressed teenage boy in a red sock-hat came bumbling down the stairs. "Coming, your most bi-colored eye-ness!" (A/N: Bi-colored: Dartz has one yellow eye and one green eye.)

"WEEVIL!"

A smaller teenage boy with light-blue hair and big yellow glasses followed. "Oh! I'm sorry!" he stuttered. "I can handle it!" In his ramblings and craziness, he tripped and knocked down Rex, and together, they fell down the stairs. Dartz rolled his eyes at their incompetence.

"Rex…" said Rex.

"…and Weevil:" added Weevil.

"REPORTING FOR DUTY!" they said in unison.

"Fine, fine, fine," said Dartz. "Just let me know the instant the Ishtars arrive."

"Oh! They're here!" said Weevil.

"WHAT! THE ISHTARS ARE HERE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?" screamed Dartz.

Weevil and Rex did their best to grovel. "We are worms!" they moaned. "Worthless worms!"

"Memo to me. MEMO TO ME: Maim you after my meeting!" said Dartz, rubbing his temple.

The Ishtars were three mystical siblings from the same dimension as Weevil and Rex. Odion, the oldest, Ishizu, the future incarnation of Isis herself, and Marik, the youngest brother. They were having fun sending their Orichalchos soldiers out to steal people's souls.

"Dear," said Ishizu to her brothers. "Hold that mortal's thread of life good and tight!" With a snip of her scissors, there was a scream and in came a new soul. "Incoming!" The poor woman's soul floated in and onto her permanent place on the wall.

Dartz watched dejectedly, and then turned to his clients. "Ishtars, so sorry that I'm-"

"Late!" they all said.

"We knew you would be!" said Odion.

"We know everything!" added Marik.

"Past," said Odion.

"Present," said Marik.

"And future!" finished Ishizu. Elbowing Weevil in the side, she whispered, "_Indoor plumbing. It's going to be big!"_

"Great. Great. anyway," continued Dartz. "See, Ishtars, I was at this party and I lost track of time…"

"We know!" they bragged.

"_Yeah-- I know…you know_. So, here's the deal: Atem. 'Mr. High and Mighty,' 'Mr. "Hey-you-get-off-of-my-sand."' Now he has a--"

"Bouncing baby brat! WE KNOW!"

"I KNOW YOU KNOW! I know! I got it! _I got the concept! _So, let me just ask, is this kid going to mess up my hostile takeover bid or what, what do you think?"

"Well…" started Marik.

"Oh no you don't, we're not supposed to reveal the future!" said Odion.

Dartz hadn't brought these three through a dimensional portal for nothing! He knew how to persuade them. Particularly by charming Ishizu, who was not only the boss, but the only female.

"Wait, I'm sorry, time out, can I ask you a question by the way- did you, did you cut your hair, or something? I mean, you look fabulous! I mean, you look like a desert rose!"

Ishizu giggled so much she dropped the Millennium Eye, which rolled away and bounced into the hands of Weevil. Of course, he thought it was a real eye.

"Huh? OH GROSS!" he cried. He tossed it out of his hands, and Rex kicked it. Dartz caught it swiftly.

"Madam, please. My fate is in your lovely hands," he said, giving Ishizu the eye back.

"Oh…" she whined.

"Oh, alright!" said Odion. Ishizu squealed, and tapped into the power of her Millennium Necklace.

"In eighteen years, precisely…" she began. "the planets will a-line, every so nicely!"

"Aye, verse, oy," complained Dartz.

"The time to act will be at hand. Unleash the monsters, your monstrous plan!"

"Mm-hmm, good, good…" commented Dartz.

"Then the once-proud Atem will finally fall. And you, Dartz, will RULE ALL!"

"YES! AW, DARTZ RULES!" said Dartz.

"A word of caution to this tale," added Odion.

" 'scuse me?"

"Should Jonouchi fight, you will fail." And with that, the Ishtars disappeared, back to their dimension and time-zone.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT!" screamed Dartz. "OK, OK, I'm fine, I'm cool, I'm fine."

Dartz brought Rex and Weevil to a chamber of Atlantis; where he kept all of his tools for his schemes.

"Rex, Weevil. Got a little riddle for you. How…do you kill…a yami?"

"I do not…know…" said Rex.

"You can't! They're immortal?" tried Weevil.

"Bingo! They're immortal!" said Dartz. He pulled a small vial of liquid from a vault. "So, first you've got to turn the little sun-spot…_mortal."_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night, Jono was asleep with Copernicus, as was Atem with Isis. Suddenly, they heard a crash that woke them up.

"Uh, wha?" they mumbled. "THE BABY!" they cried. Atem and Isis ran to Jono's room, but he was gone. All that was left was Copernicus with his head stuck in a cornucopia.

"JONO!" cried Isis, breaking down into sobs.

Atem narrowed his eyebrows. "…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Rex and Weevil had passed through the dimensional portal, into modern Japan, so they could turn him mortal, and then kill him.

"I can't see where we're going!" complained Weevil.

"Just hang onto the kid, Weevil!" yelled Rex. The duo tripped and dropped the baby. Jono cried loudly.

"OK! Hurry! Let's kill the kid and get it over with!" said Weevil, impatiently.

"Here you go, kid," said Rex, putting a baby-bottle carp on the vial. "A little Egyptian formula!" Jono drank the potion, and slowly, his glowing body began to change into a regular one.

"Look! Look at that. He's…changing! Can we do it now?" asked Weevil.

"No, no! He has to drink the whole potion! Every last drop!"

"Who's out there?" came a voice. It frightened Rex and Weevil, and they ran off to hide, and left Jono there, crying. The vial also broke in the struggle. One drop dripped off the glass…and into the ground.

A man and woman ran out to find Jono. (A/N: Picture this alleged 'man-and-woman' as Joey's parents from the series, only not divorced. If you've ever seen that, like, ONE episode with his mom in it, she just has short, brown, curly hair. We never see his dad, though.) "Oh, you poor thing!" cried the woman. "Oh, don't cry."

"Is anybody there?" called the man.

"Can we do it now?" asked Weevil.

"Yeah!" Rex and Weevil both summoned their most powerful monsters to attack Jono.

"Oh. It must have been abandoned," concluded the man.

The woman said to her husband, "For so many years we've prayed to the heavens to bless us with a child. Perhaps it has answered out prayers."

"What's this…?" asked the man, examining a cartouche around the baby's neck. There was the eye of Ra on one side, and his apparent name on the other. He could barely make out the name, but he could see that there was a 'J' and an 'O' in it. So they decided to call him Joey.

Suddenly, Rex's Serpent-Night-Dragon and Weevil's Larva Moth crept up, ready to attack Joey and his new adoptive parents!

But Joey just playfully grabbed each monster by the neck, bashed them around, tied them together and hurled them off into the night. Rex and Weevil were so freaked out that they ran away too.

"Dartz is going to kill us when he finds out what happens!" cried Weevil.

"You mean IF he finds out!" said Rex.

"How could we--? He's going to-- IF! If is good!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Atem led all the sorcerers on a frantic search."_

"_But by the time they learned of Jono's whereabouts, it was too late."_

"_Young Joe was mortal now_

_But since he did not drink the last drop_

_He still retained his magic strength_

_So thank his lucky stars!"_

"_Tell it, girl."_

"_But Atem and Isis wept_

_Because their friend could never come home._

_They'd have to watch their precious baby grow up from afar!"_

"_Though Dartz's horrid plan was hatched before Joe cut his first tooth_

_The boy grew stronger every day…_

_And that's the gospel truth._

"_The gospel truth!"_

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of chapter 01

Please review. Thank you very much!


	2. A Day in the Life

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 02: A Day in the Life**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Hercules or Disney or anything.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a bright and sunny day, and Joey was eagerly pulling a cart of various goods into town. His father was riding on the cart, along with Serenity, Joey's sister, who usually did the pulling. But Serenity never went nearly as fast as her brother, who was breaking any possible speed limit.

"Joey, slow down!" yelled his father. Joey ignored him, but then they came to the arch leading into town. "Look out!"

Joey was going to fast that he nearly hit two people. "S-sorry guys!" he called.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" they yelled.

Joey finally needed to stop, and he skidded himself into the ground.

"Thanks, son," said his father. "When Serenity twisted he ankle back there I though we were done for."

"No problem, Pop!" said Joey, already lifting some of the goods to unload.

"Don't- don't unload just yet, son. First I have to finagle with Solomon," said his father.

"OK," said Joey. And he dropped the goods back onto the cart with so much force, that it catapulted Serenity up into the air. "Whoops! Heh…sorry, Serenity!" he called.

"Now, Joey, this time, please just…"

"I know, I know," said Joey. Down came Serenity, and he caught her. "Stay by the cart."

"Ha, that's my boy," said his father.

Determined to make himself useful anyhow, Joey heard Solomon Mutou, the local game shop owner, trying to carry many boxes of things at once.

"Oh my goodness…whoa!" he was saying to himself.

"Careful!" said Joey, catching one of the boxes just in time.

"Oh, why thank you," said Solomon, unaware of whom had helped him.

"No problem!"

"Why Joey…!" stuttered Solomon. "It-it-it…it's you!"

"Le-let me help you with that," Joey offered. But Solomon knew how clumsy Joey could be when he didn't control his strength, and insisted he do it himself.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I got it. I got it!" he grunted. "Run along!"

"You sure?"

"_Oh yeah!" _Joey knew he wasn't wanted, so he slowly backed out of the shop. He was still looking back when a Frisbee landed at his feet.

"Yo! Give it here!" yelled a young teenage boy. Then he gasped when he saw who's hands the Frisbee was in.

"Hey, you need an extra guy?" asked Joey, desperate for friends and something to do.

"Uh," said the boy, trying to reject Joey politely. "Sorry, Joe. Uh, we've already got…five…and we want to keep it an even number!"

"Hey, wait a second, five isn't an even--"

"See ya, Joe!" said the boy, snatching back the Frisbee and running off.

"What a geek," he heard them laugh, along with "Destruct-o Boy!" and "Maybe we should call him Jerk-y Wheeler!"

With a frown on his face, Joey sat down by himself on the edge of a fountain, and hung his head. People seemed to move away from him wherever he went. Like he was radioactive.

"HEADS UP!" cried one of the same boys. The Frisbee was heading Joey's way.

"I-I got it!" Joey exclaimed.

"No, don't!" But Joey had already leaped for the catch, and had flung himself a little too hard. He slammed into a pillar with incredible force, and it began to topple.

"Uh…oh…" he said. "Oh, oh no!" But when he grabbed the pillar, he accidentally swung it around and hit another one. Then they all started to fall like dominos!

"Son…" mumbled his father.

"Sorry Pop…" Joey said as he ran by. "Be right back!"

"No, no, no, no…!" rambled Solomon. The pillars went in a circle, and they were toppling over and coming at him from both sides. Luckily, they stopped when they fell into each other, right above him. He sighed in relief. Unfortunately, Joey slipped and came sliding into him.

"Whoa! LOOK OUT!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" CRASH! That did it. They entire town square crumbled to the ground.

Amidst the dust, Joey stood up, the Frisbee he'd caught in his hand again. The same boy who'd spoken to him before, grabbed it back. "Nice catch, Jerk-y!" he said sarcastically.

"Son…!" said Joey's father. Before he could say anything else, Solomon popped up from the wreckage.

"This…is the last…STRAW, MR. WHEELER!" Soon the whole town began attacking Joey and his father.

"That boy is a menace!" said a woman.

"He's too dangerous to be around NORMAL people!" said a man.

"He didn't mean any harm, he's just a kid…" Joey's father said, trying to defend his son. "He just…can't control his strength."

"I'm warning you," said Solomon. "You keep that, that, that…that…FREAK away from here!"

Everyone agreed. "Yeah! Freak!"

Joey was officially an outcast.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review, thanks!


	3. Go the Distance

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 03: Go the Distance**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Disney.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joey and his father were sitting on a log on top of a hill in their back yard.

"Son," said his father. "You shouldn't let those things they said back there get to you--"

"But Pop, they're right!" interrupted Joey. "I-I am a freak. I try to fit in, I really do!" He sighed. "I just can't." Then Joey admitted something to his father. "Sometimes…I feel like…like I really don't belong here. Like I'm supposed to be…someplace else."

"Joey…son," his father tried.

"I know it doesn't make any sense." Walking off by himself, Joey came to the edge of the hill, which looked off onto the sea. He picked up a rock and skipped it.

"I have often dreamed

Of a far-off place

Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me.

Where the crowds will cheer

When they see my face

And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be!

"I will find my way.

I can go the distance.

I'll be there someday

If I can be strong.

I know every mile will be worth my while.

I would go most anywhere to feel like I…

Belong."

Later that night, Joey trudged back to his house, where his parents were waiting.

"Joey," said his father. "There's something your mother and I have been meaning to…to tell you." And the whole story came out.

"But if you found me," said Joey. "Then where did I come from? Why was I left here?"

"This…was around your neck when we found you," said his mother, holding the cartouche with his name on it. On the other side was the eye of Ra. "It's the symbol of the Egyptian gods."

"This is it!" exclaimed Joey. "Don't you see? Maybe they have the answers! I'll go to the Egyptian exhibit at the museum and--" But that meant leaving his parents. "Mom…Pop…you're the greatest parents anyone could have but…but I, I gotta know."

The next day, bright and early, his parents gave him a cloak to wear in case it got chilly, hugged him, and waved goodbye.

"I am on my way!

I can go the distance!

I don't care how far,

Somehow I'll be strong!

I know every mile will be worth my while!

I would go most anywhere to find where I

Belong!"

The museum was empty when he got there, but Joey figured it just as well, since he was pretty clueless about what to say. He saw two stone tablets behind glass hanging on the wall. He also recognized the eye of Ra.

"…uh…Pharaoh? Please, hear me and answer my question. Who am I? Whe-where do I belong?"

Nothing happened at first, but slowly, the wind blew. Then, the tablets lit up, illuminating the whole room. A transparent image of the pharaoh Atem appeared before Joey and said,

"My protégé, my little…Jonouchi!"

Given that he had pretty much SEEN A GHOST, Joey screamed and tried to run away. "AAGH!"

"Whoa, there, what's your hurry? After all these years is this the kind of hello you give your ancestor?

"An-ancestor?"

"Didn't know you belonged to the court of the pharaoh, did you?" said Atem. "SURPRISE! Look how you've grown. You've got the firm hands of a duelist! And the attitude of a warrior…"

"I don't understand," said Joey. "If…you're the pharaoh…and my ancestor…then that would make me…"

"Royalty," Atem finished for him.

"Royalty…ROYALTY!" Joey stumbled back in amazement.

"Hey, you wanted answers and by thunder you're old enough now to know the truth!"

"So why am I just a kid here…in this time-dimension?" asked Joey, a little saddened. "Didn't you want me?"

"Of course I did," said the pharaoh. "You were very special to me and all my subjects. But someone stole you from us and turned you mortal…and only yamis can live in the Pharaoh's Memory World." (A/N: I know, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Just bear with me, OK?)

"So you can't do a thing?" sighed Joey.

"I can't, Joey. But you can!"

"Really? What? I'll, I'll do anything!"

"Joey, if you can prove yourself a true hero on earth, than your honor will be restored!" explained the pharaoh.

"A true hero!" Joey liked the way that sounded. "Great! Uh…exactly how do you become a true hero?"

"First, you must seek out Tristan Taylor. He's a good trainer of heroes."

"Seek out Tristan Taylor. Right! I'll--"

"Whoa, hold your horses!" said the pharaoh. "Which reminds me;" he whistled, and out of the tablet of monsters popped a winged horse. "You probably don't remember Copernicus, but you two go way back, Joey."

Joey observed the horse with confusion. Then, to jog his memory, Copernicus bonked his head against Joey's. "Oh, _Copernicus!"_ said Joey, hugging him.

"He's a magnificent horse," said the pharaoh. "With the brains of a bird."

Joey got on Copernicus's back. "I'll find Tristan Taylor. Become a true hero!"

"That's the spirit!"

"I won't let you down, Pharaoh!" and they rode off into the night.

"_Good luck, Jonouchi," _said the pharaoh, as he disappeared and left the museum dark once again.

"I will beat the odds!

I can go the distance!

I will face the world

Fearless, proud and strong!

I will please Atem,

I can go the distance

'til I find my hero's welcome

Right

Where

I

BELONG!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review, thanks!


	4. One Last Hope

Author's Note: First, I'd like to thank all the people who have reviewed. THANKS! For those of you wondering why I cast Tristan as Phil, it's because Tristan exhibits the same kind of impatience and frustration with Joey that Phil does with Hercules. I was going to have it be Grandpa, but Phil says lots of funny things that fit Tristan's personality more than Grandpa's. Oh, and the horse, Copernicus, (not sure If I explained this) is Rebecca's horse from the Orichalcos saga. Only, you know, with wings.

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 04: One Last Hope**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Disney or Hercules.

Joey and Copernicus arrived at an island on the sea. It didn't look like much: there was fog everywhere and the remains of a huge statue of some warrior seemed to be the only things there besides overgrown plants.

"_You sure this is the right place?" _Joey asked his horse. Copernicus snorted in affirmation. Their exploration led them to a pond hidden behind bushes that they gently pried away, around which sat three girls. They appeared to be the Twin Gemini elf and something else. But they were pretty girls! That's all that mattered to Joey, who smiled, and to another peeping tom who had his head stuck through the bushes.

"What's that matter, man, you stuck?" asked Joey, and he grabbed the guy around the waist and pulled.

"Huh? Hey, butt out, buddy!" yelled the guy. His exclamation frightened the girls and they all ran away. "No! Wait, wait, wait!" he cried, chasing after them. "Stop!" But just before he could grab a hold of any of them, they morphed back into trees and what-nots. "Ooh! Nymphs!" said the guy. "They can't keep their hands off me!"

"Hmph!" harrumphed the nymph-now-tree, slapping him with her branch.

"Yow!" The guy grumbled to himself, rubbing his cheek. Then he noticed Joey and Copernicus staring at him. "What's the matter, you've never seen a _hairdo _before?" he asked, assuming that they found his spike of hair that loomed off over his forehead strange.

"Uh…not like that, anyway," said Joey. "Can you help us? We're looking for someone named…Tristan Taylor?"

"Call me Tristan," answered the guy.

"TRISTAN!" yelled Joey excitedly. He squeezed Tristan's hand with great force and shook it.

"OW!" yelled Tristan.

"Boy, am I glad to meet you. I'm Joey!" Just as soon as he let go of his hand, Copernicus licked him, covering the entire left side of Tristan's body with drool. "This is Copernicus!"

"A-A-A-ANIMALS! Disgusting!" said Tristan.

Joey didn't waste any time. "I need your help. I want to become a hero. A true hero!" he said. Tristan looked at Joey incredulously.

"Sorry, kid, can't help you," and with that, he slammed the door to his house, which was the head of the dismembered statue of which was scattered about the island.

"Wait!" cried Joey. He grabbed the handle of the door. Again, underestimating his own strength, he completely tore the door off its hinges. "S-sorry," he said. "Why not?"

"Two words: I AM RETIRED!" said Tristan. Joey counted said words on his fingers while wondering how someone who was practically _the same age as him_ could claim to be retired.

"Look, I gotta do this!" he explained. "Haven't you ever had a dream? Something you wanted so bad you'd do _anything?"_

Tristan sighed. "Kid," he said. "Come inside, I want to show you something." And he led Joey into his house. "Watch it!" he said when Joey hit his head on the mast to a ship. "That was part of the mast of the ship to Duelist Kingdom!"

"Duelist Kingdom?"

"Shyeah! Who do you think taught Pegasus to sail? Bandit Keith? I trained all of those would-be legends. Pegasus, Bandit Keith, Mako Tsumami. Lotta ridiculous names. And every one of those bums let me down, flatter than a Frisbee. None of 'em could go the distance," Tristan said. "And then…there was Duke Devlin. Now there was a guy who had it all; the mind, the strategies. He could roll dice, he could take a hit, he could keep on comin'…BUT THAT furshlugginer cocky attitude of his! You cut him to the quick there once and KAMBOOM! He's history." Tristan sighed and continued. "Yeah, I had a dream once. I dreamed I was going to train the greatest legend there ever was. So great, the astronomers would point out a constellation of him in the stars. All across the sky…and people would say, "_That's Tristan's boy. That's right."_ Ah, but dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment."

"But I'm different from those other guys, Tristan. I can go the distance! Come here, I'll show you!" yelled Joey. Grabbing Tristan by the arm, he dragged him outside, causing him to hit _his _head on the mast on the way out.

"Sheesh, you don't quit, do you?"

"Watch this!" said Joey. He picked up the giant shield of the dismembered statue, and hurled it out into the sea.

"_Holy cow," _observed Tristan. "You know, maybe…no! No! Snap out of it!" he scolded himself, slapping himself in the face. "I'm too lazy to get mixed up in this junk again!"

"But if I don't become a true hero…" Joey explained. "I'll never be able to earn my place on the pharaoh's court!"

Tristan considered Joey's proposal again. "Wait a minute. The pharaoh…his court, right? Ha ha! Atem! The big guy! And you belong on his court?"

"Mm-hmm!" said Joey, unaware that Tristan was mocking him.

"Mr. Shadow Monsters! Ah ha ha!" Tristan carried on. "'How may I serve you, my king?'" he pretended to ask, supposedly imitating Joey. "Ah ha ha, Atem! "'Go out to the next town…' Ah ha ha!"

"It's the truth!"

"Puh-lease!" said Tristan. Then he began to sing.

"So you want to be a hero, kid, well

Whoop-dee-do!

I have been around the block before

With blockheads just like you.

Each and every one a slacker.

Cheese for which there ain't no crackers!

So much for these super-sports…

Though a kid of Atem's court's

Asking me to jump into the fray!

My answer is two words:"

But before Tristan could say the words, 'no way,' a bolt of lightning struck him and charred him black.

"_O-K!" _he croaked.

"You mean you'll do it?" asked Joey.

"You win, kid," sighed Tristan in resignation.

"Yes! You won't be sorry, Tristan!"

"Oh, Ra…" moaned Tristan.

"When can we start? Can we start now?"

"_Oy vay…_

"I'd given up hope

That someone would come

Along.

A fellow who'd wield the sword for once,

Not

The tongs!

The kind who wins trophies.

Won't settle for low fees.

At least a few tournees but NO!

I got Greenhorn!

I've been out to pasture,

Pal,

No ambition there.

Content to go negative miles

And to style

My hair!

But you need an advisor:

A sensei but wiser!

A good merchandiser and…

WHOA! THERE GOES MY ULCER!

I'm down to one last hope and I hope

It's you.

Though, kid, you're not exactly a dream

Come true!

I've trained enough turkeys

Who never came true.

You're my one last hope so you'll have to do!"

"Rule #6: When rescuing a damsel, always handle with care!" "Rule #95, kid: concentrate!" Joey threw a bunch of swords that were supposed to hit various targets, but they all hit a tree, barely missing Tristan. "Rule #96: AIM!"

"Wannabes've tried daring deeds

And ended up just tired old hags.

Don't believe the stories that

You'll read in all the gossip rags!

To be a true hero, kid, is a

Dying art.

Like painting a masterpiece…

It's a work of _heart!_

It takes more than sinew,

Comes down to what's in you,

You have to continue to grow…" Tristan measured Joey's bicep, and it broke the tape measure. "NOW THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!"

"I'm down to one last shot

And my last

High note.

Before that disbelieving crowd

Gets my goat!

My dreams are on you, kid.

Go make 'em come true!

Climb that uphill slope…

Keep pushing that envelope…

You're my one last hope and kid it's

Up

To

You!"

"Did you see that?" cried Joey, head-butting Copernicus after he'd finished the obstacle course. "Ha ha ha! Next stop: Egypt!"

"Alright, just take it easy, champ!" said Tristan.

"I'm ready! I wanna get off this island! I wanna battle some monsters…" said Joey, who had by now developed a full New York accent. "…rescue some damsels…" he added in a girly voice. "Y'know…heroic stuff!"

"Well…"

"Aw, come on, Tristan!" he whined with a big grin.

"OK. You want a road test? Saddle up, were going to Domino!" said Tristan. Copernicus scooped them both up and flew away.

"So what's in Domino?" asked Joey.

"Lotta problems," answered Tristan. "It's a big, tough town. Good place to start building a rep."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Sounds like your basic DID," said Tristan.

"Ya!" said Joey, kicking Copernicus.

"Damsel in distrEEEEEEEEEESSS!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review, thanks!


	5. Damsel in Distress

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 05: Damsel in Distress**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO, Disney or Hercules.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tristan, Joey and Copernicus landed in a clearing in a forest. There they spied through the bushes, and saw a beautiful maiden trying to fight off a centaur known as the Rabid Horseman. She was wading in a pond and her soaked dress was slowing her down.

"Not so fast, _sweetheart!" _growled the centaur, grabbing her in his huge fist.

"I swear, you Rabid Horseman…" threatened the maiden. "Put me down or I'll…!" She kicked out at him.

"I like 'em fire-y!" he said.

Joey was all ready to fight this monster and rescue that damsel, but Tristan knew that acting on impulse never solved anything.

"OK, first analyze the situation," he began. "Don't just barrel in there without thinking…yeeow…wow!" Joey was already marching into the pond to stand up to the centaur. "He's loosing points for this!" Tristan grumbled to Copernicus.

"Halt!" said Joey.

"Step aside, _two-legs!"_ said the centaur.

"Pardon me, my good…uh…" Joey was trying his best to sound manly and dignified, which proved difficult now that he wasn't sure how to address his adversary. "uh…Sir! I'll have to ask that you release that young--"

"Keep moving, junior!" said the maiden, rejecting Joey's help.

"…lady…" he trailed off. "But, you, are-aren't you…a damsel in distress?"

"I'm a damsel," the maiden grunted. "I'm in distress…I can handle this. _Have a nice day!"_

Joey felt emasculated by her words. Nevertheless, he spoke up again. "Ma'am, I'm afraid you may be in too close of a situation to realize--" All of a sudden, the Rabid Horseman punched him in the gut, causing Joey to fly backwards into the pond, and drop his sword.

"Yooooh!…!" Tristan cringed. "What are you doing! GET YOUR SWORD!"

"Sword," said Joey. "Right, right. Rule #15: A hero's only as good as his WEAPON!" Joey thought he'd grabbed his sword, but instead he'd grabbed a fish.

"AH HA HA HA HA HA!" laughed the Rabid Horseman. The fish screamed and jumped out of Joey's hands. Then, a fist came slamming into his face, and sent him flying into a rock.

"Ayeeeeeeee!" cringed Tristan again. Copernicus snorted and tried to butt in, but Tristan stopped him. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, hold it. He's gotta do it on his own!" Joey dizzily pulled himself up from the pond, and squirted water out of his mouth. "Come on, kid, concentrate!" yelled Tristan. "USE YOUR HEAD!"

"Huh? Ah…!" Joey took it literally and ran hard into the centaur's chest. The blow caused him to drop the maiden and be sent flying back into the rock wall behind the waterfall.

"Alright! Not bad, kid!" Tristan cheered. "_Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad."_

"Ugh!" coughed the maiden, sitting up in the water.

"Oh, gee Miss…" said Joey, picking her up and carrying her to a tree branch to set her down on. "I'm really sorry…"

"_Ugh…"_ she groaned again.

"…that was dumb."

The maiden peered through her mopped-over hair like curtains. "_Yeah!"_ she agreed.

The centaur had recovered by now, and was ready to fight again. "'scuse me," said Joey, with a big grin. He ran up to the Rabid Horseman and jumped on his shoulders. He pummeled his face, grabbed his neck, and flipped him over his shoulder.

"Nice work! EXCELENTE!" yelled Tristan.

The maiden, who was wringing out her hair said, "Is Wonder Boy here for real?"

"What are you talking about? Of course he's real!" said Tristan. "Whoa!" he added, checking her out. He licked his hand and attempted to smooth back his hair. "And by the way, sweet cheeks…" he leaned over her lap to look at her face. "I'm real too," and he made kissy-face noises at her.

"_Ungh!" _she said, pushing him off into the water again.

Meanwhile, Joey was riding the Rabid Horseman like a cowboy, uttering "Yahoo!"s and "Yeehaw!"s the whole time, while Tristan frowned and spit a fish that had gotten stick in his mouth out of his mouth. (A/N: I hate it when guys are like that. It's like once they get rejected by a girl they're all "I hate her." It's like, you liked her two seconds ago!) Joey slipped his ankles under the centaur's armpits, grabbed a tree branch and flipped him over into it. The Rabid Horseman snarled in anger, and Joey wound up his fist and punched him in the face. The centaur was sent flying into the air, and then he came right back down. His four horseshoes hit him one by one on the head, creating a huge lump to form. Copernicus blew a short breath at him, and knocked him over. Then, he trotted along his back, and hopped on his head to top it all off. (A/N: When I was watching the movie, I was like "Dang! They just keep topping it off! It's like, 'I think you beat him!'")

"How wazzat, Tristan?" asked Joey.

"Bring it in, rookie!" said Tristan. "You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathlons, but THIS is the BIG LEAGUES!"

Joey scoffed. "At least I beat him, didn't I?"

"Next time don't let your guard down because of a pair of BIG GOO-GOO EYES!" yelled Tristan. "It's like I keep telling you; you've got to stay focused and youuuuu…" Tristan trailed off in a sigh because Joey wasn't listening. He was marching over to the maiden who was still wringing her long, thick hair out in the water. Copernicus was not so chipper either. Joey completely ignored his implication of a 'high-five' (or 'high-hoof') and walked right past him. He growled, red with anger. "Aah!" groaned Tristan.

"Are you alright…Miss…?" Joey inquired.

"Mai Valentine," said the maiden, standing up and whipping Joey in the face with her sopping wet hair. Then she added quickly, as if each word was one syllable in a one gigantic word, "My-friends-call-me-Mai-at-least-they-would-if-I-had-any-friends. SO…" she continued, handing Joey her sandal while she wrung out her other one. "Did they give you a name along with all of those…_rippling pectorals?"_

"Uh…uh…" Joey stuttered. No one had ever spoken to him like that before, let alone a beautiful woman. "I…uh…" He got extremely flustered, but Mai just seemed to find it cute.

"Are you always this articulate?"

"Jonouchi!" he said, finally remembering his name. "My, my name is Jonouchi. Joey for short."

"Jonouchi, eh?" said Mai, sitting down on a log. "I think I prefer Wonder Boy."

Copernicus, still incredibly resentful of his master's new object of interest, flapped his wing in front of Joey's face so that he couldn't see Mai anymore. But Joey merely pried apart the feathers like blinds, and resumed talking to Mai.

"So," he began. "How- how'd you get mixed up with the…uh…"

"Pinhead with hooves?" Mai finished for him. "Well, you know how men are; they think no means yes and 'get lost' means '_take me, I'm yours!'"_ She leaned against Joey with a phony grin.

Copernicus, who was standing back-to-back with Joey, grunted a noise that sounded like "I don't know," with a shrug. Mai's grin fell as she realized how stupid her champion was. "Don't worry, Spike-Top here can explain it to you later," she added with a sigh.

Tristan, who knew full well that she was talking about him, grumbled.

"Well, thanks for everything, _Joe,_ it's been a real _slice!"_ Mai saluted and turned to leave.

"Wait!" said Joey. "Uh…can we give you a ride?" Copernicus, who was very ticked off at Joey right now, snorted and flew up in a tree.

"Um," said Mai. "I don't think your pinto likes me very much."

"Copernicus?" said Joey. "Oh, don't be silly! He'd be more than happy to--" BONK! An apple fell from the tree onto his head. "_Ow!"_ He looked up at his horse, who whistled innocently.

"_I'll be alright. I'm a big, tough girl, I tie my own sandals and everything," _said Mai. "_Bye-bye, Wonder Boy."_

"Bye…" said Joey in a daze. "She's…SOMETHING! Isn't she, Tristan?"

"Huh? She's- ooh yeah, she's really something. A REAL PAIN IN THE NECK!" he screamed. "Earth to Joey!" he called, trying to snap his pupil out of the smitten trance he was in. "Come in, Joe! Come in, Joe! We got a job to do remember? Domino is still awaiting!"

"Oh, right…Domino…" mumbled Joey as they got on Copernicus and flew away.

Mai watched them depart, and then wandered alone into the woods. A couple of monsters, as frightening as they weren't, she made a sarcastic comment. "Aw, how cute. A couple of monsters lookin' for a deck!"

"Who you calling a monster, sister?" one seemed to say. "I'M a DINOSAUR!"

"And I'm his Larva Moth!" said the other. Then, from behind the trees out popped Weevil and Rex. "Ta-da!"

"Ugh, I thought I smelled a rat," said Mai.

"Mai…?" came a chilling voice. It was Dartz.

"_Speak o' the devil."_

"Mai, Mai, Mai, my little flower, my little bird, my little…_Mai._ What exactly…happened here?" asked Dartz. "I thought you were going to persuade the Rabid Horseman to join my team for the uprising and here I am kind-of…Rabid Horseman…less."

"I gave it my best shot, but he made me an offer I had to refuse!" said Mai.

"Fine. So, instead of subtracting two years from your sentence…hey, I'm going to add two on. OK? _Give that your best shot!"_

"Look, it wasn't my fault! It was this wonder boy, Jonouchi!" said Mai. Dartz's ears perked up at that name.

"Jonouchi…" muttered Weevil to Rex. "Why does that name ring a bell?"

"I don't know. Maybe we owe him money?" suggested Rex.

"What was that name…AGAIN?" asked Dartz.

"Jonouchi," answered Mai. "He comes on with this big, innocent, farm-boy routine but I can see through that in a Time Wizard's minute."

"Wait a second," said Rex. "Wasn't Jonouchi the name of that kid we were supposed to…" then he and Weevil saw Dartz reaching for them.

"OH MY RA!" They screamed.

"Run for it!" cried Weevil. But it was too late. Dartz had them in his hands.

"So you took care of him, did you?" he asked. "DEAD AS A DOORKNAIL! Weren't those your EXACT words?" he demanded, strangling them.

"This might be a different Jonouchi!" Rex tried desperately.

"Yeah, I mean Jonouchi is a--" Dartz tightened his grip on Weevil's throat. "…_VERY POPULAR NAME nowadays!"_ Weevil choked.

"Remember like a few years ago," Rex began. "Every other boy was named Takashi and the girls were all named Sakura?" (A/N: I picked those two because those are names I see in manga and here in anime a lot.)

"I'm about…to rearrange…the cosmos," explained Dartz. "And the one…SCHLEMIEL who can mess it up…IS WALTZING AROUND…_IN THE WOODS!"_

"Wait! Wait!" said Rex. "We can still cut in on his waltzing!"

"That's right!" squeaked Weevil. "And, and we made him mortal! That's a good thing! _Didn't we? Eh-heh…"_

"Hmm…" thought Dartz. "Fortunately for the three of you, we still have time to CORRECT this rather EGREGIOUS oversight. And this time…_no foul-ups."_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review, thanks!


	6. The Battle With the Blue Eyes

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 06: The Battle With the Hydra**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Disney.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Wow. Dat all one town?"

"One town, a million troubles," said Tristan. "The one and only Domino. The Big Sushi-roll itself. If you can make it here you can make it anywhere." They landed in a square. Domino was indeed a bustling, busy city. "Stick with me, kid," said Tristan. "The city is a dangerous place." Suddenly, a car zoomed past them, nearly running them over.

"Watch where you're going, numbskulls!" yelled the driver.

"HEY, I'M WALKIN' HERE!" Tristan yelled right back. "See what I mean? I'm telling ya! Whackos!"

"Hey man," said a cloaked person. He whipped open his cloak- Tristan thought…NOT THAT!

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" he exclaimed, looking away. The man was merely hawking counterfeit merchandise.

"Ya wanna buy a watch?" he asked.

"He's not interested, alright?" said Tristan. Soon, a man came by, preaching something rather unpleasant. "Yes, yes. Thank you for the info! Yes, we'll go ponder that for a while!" Tristan told him. "Come on, just stare at the sidewalk. Don't make eye-contact…"

Tristan led Joey through the city. "The people hare are nuts! That's because they live in a city of turmoil. Trust me, kid. You're gonna be just what the doctor ordered." Soon they came across a group of traumatized and on-edge civilians.

"It was tragic," moaned one woman. "We lost everything in the fire!"

"Everything…except old Snowball here," said a man, probably her husband, holding up a singed cat.

"_Meow!" _went the cat.

"Now were the fires before or after the earthquake?" asked another man.

"They were after the earthquake, I remember!" said another woman, shaking.

"But before the floods!" added the first woman.

"Don't even get me thtarted on the crime rate!" said an old, toothless man.

"Domino has certainly gone downhill in a hurry," added the woman.

"Tell me about it," agreed the old man. "Theems like every time I turn around, there'th thome new monthter wreakin' havoc!"

"All we need now is a plague of locusts," said the man holding the cat. Suddenly, a cricket hopped by and chirped. It wasn't exactly a locust, but it was enough to freak the people out.

"AAAAAAAAGH!" they all screamed.

"That'th it! I'm movin' to Othaka!"

"'scuse me," came a voice. The civilians turned around to see a tall, muscular, blonde young man. "It seems to me that what you folks need is…a hero!"

For a moment, no one spoke. Then finally, one of the men said, "Yeah? And who are you?"

Copernicus nudged his master forward encouragingly. "I'm Jonouchi," he began. "And uh…I happen to be…a hero!"

The people just laughed. "Is that tho? Have you ever thaved the town before?" the old man challenged.

"Uh…well…no," said Joey.

"Uh-huh. Have ya ever reversed a natural disaster?" asked the other man.

"Uh, no. Not exactly, but--"

"Aw, listen… he's just another dreamer!" scoffed the man.

Tristan was not about to let his hard work go to waste. "Don't you pea-brains get it? This kid is the genuine article!"

"Hey," said the other man. "Isn't that the spike-y-haired kid who trained Duke Devlin?"

Tristan's buttons were pushed. "_Watch it, pal!" _he warned through clenched teeth.

"Hey, you're right, " agreed the other man. "Hey, uh, nice job on that attitude. Ya missed a spot!"

"I GOT YER ATTITUDE! RIGHT HERE!" yelled Tristan. He had lost his temper and was now on top of the man who had taunted him, punching him in the face.

"Tristan! Tristan!" said Joey, pulling him off of the man. "Tristan!"

"What are you, crazy?" said the man.

"Young man, we need a PROFESSIONAL hero, NOT an amateur!"

"But wait! Stop!" Joey called in vain after the people, who were walking away. He ball-changed back into the shadow of a wall and sank down into a sitting position. "How am I supposed to prove myself a hero if nobody will give me a chance?"

"You'll get your chance," Tristan assured him. "You just need some kind of catastrophe…or disaster."

Just then, a woman began pushing her way through the people in the city. "Please! Help! Please!" she begged. "There's been a terrible accident!"

"Mai?" said Joey, recognizing her.

"_Speaking of disasters!" _muttered Tristan under his breath.

"Wonder Boy!" breathed Mai. "_Jonouchi, thank goodness!"_

"What happened?"

After catching her breath, Mai explained. "Outside of town…two little boys…they were playing in the gorge. There was this rockslide! A terrible rockslide! They're trapped!"

"Kids…? Trapped?" said Joey. "Tristan! This is great!"

"You're really choked up about this, aren't you?" asked Mai, sarcastically.

"Come on!" Joey said excitedly. He lifted Mai onto Copernicus.

"No!" Mai babbled."Y-you don't under- I have this…" They took off. "…terrible fear of HEIGHTS!" Mai cringed and held onto Joey. Copernicus was happy, however. He was glad to find a way to torture this girl.

"I'm right behind ya, kid!" Tristan called. He was so out of shape he could barely run. "Whoo! I'm _way_ behind you, kid. Ah-ha-hoo! I got a wedgie!" he grumbled.

Copernicus landed in the gorge. Mai was totally airsick. "Ugh…" she moaned.

"You OK?" asked Joey.

"I'll be fine. Just get me down before I ruin the upholstery!" She gasped as Copernicus threw here off his back and into Joey's arms.

"HELP!" came a child's voice. "I can't breathe!" Joey looked to see a huge boulder, under which the two boys Mai spoke of appeared to be trapped.

"Get us out!" the other coughed. "Hurry!"

"We're suffocating!" choked the first one. Joey snapped into action and went over to save the kids.

"SOMEBODY CALL JUU ICHI ICHI!" (A/N: That's 911 in Japanese.)

"Easy fellas, you'll be alright," Joey assured them.

"We can't last much longer!" cried one of the kids.

"Get us out before we get crushed!"

Joey slipped his hands underneath the boulder, grunted, lifted, and the LIFTED THE BOULDER HIGH ABOVE HIS HEAD! The two little boys, who turned out to be badly-dressed teenagers, quickly crawled out of the crevice they'd been trapped in.

"How you boys doin'?" asked Joey.

"We're OK now!" said the first boy. He had light-blue hair and yellow glasses.

"Jeepers, Mister!" said the other, who was wearing a green shirt and a red hat. "You're really strong!"

"Well, just…" Joey grunted, since he was still holding the rock. "…try to be a little more careful now, OK kids?"

"We sure will!" they said, scampering off. Joey threw the boulder aside and the crowd cheered and clapped.

The two teenage boys climbed up to a small indent in the mountain, where their boss, Dartz, was waiting. "Stirring performance, boys," he said. "I was really moved."

"'Jeeperth…MITHTER?" mocked Weevil to Rex.

"I was going for INNOCENCE!" said Rex proudly.

"And hey, two thumbs WAY, WAY up for our leading lady. What a dish. What a doll."

"_Get out of there you big lug, while you still can!" _Mai muttered, staring down at the gorge where Joey still stood.

Finally, Tristan caught up with him, panting.

"Tristan!" said Joey, excitedly. "I did great. They even applauded! Sort-of." Suddenly, they heard a growl.

"I hate to burst your bubble, kid," said Tristan as the two of them stared into an inky, black cave at a pair of glowing blue eyes. "But that ain't applause."

A claw rose and pulled the rest of the body it was attached to out of the cave.

"T-T-T-T-Tristan…what do you call that thing?" asked Joey. It was a Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

"TWO WORDS:" said Tristan. "AM-SCRAY!" (A/N: Pig Latin for scram! Which was what he was doing.)

"Let's get ready to RUMBLE!" echoed Dartz's voice from up in the mountain.

The Blue-Eyes advanced towards Joey, who just backed up because he couldn't think of anything better to do.

"That's it. Dance around!" Tristan coached from the sidelines. Joey dodged and feigned. "Watch the teeth! Watch the teeth!" The Blue-Eyes snapped and teased Joey-- with its long neck its body could stand still while its head did all the work! "Slide with you're feet to your left!" Joey went the wrong way. "MMGH! Your _other_ left!" moaned Tristan.

The Blue-Eyes flipped Joey over backwards, and his sword went flying out of his hands and into the stone behind him. He stood up, holding an _imaginary_ sword until he realized that it was behind him. The Blue-Eyes had sunk its teeth into their stone arena, and dragged them out with no effort it seemed, simply to show off its incredible strength. Joey threw a huge slab of rock at it, which it caught in its mouth and shattered in a single chomp. It chuckled.

Joey quickly retreated to his sword, but before he reached it, the Blue-Eyes lunged at him. Thinking fast, Joey grabbed its jaws and twisted its neck, subduing it for a few seconds. Just as he got his sword again, the Blue-Eyes used its tongue like a finger, wound it around Joey's ankle, and flipped him up into its mouth.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Joey.

The Blue-Eyes happily gulped him down. The crowd gasped. Tristan groaned. The Blue-Eyes belched. Mai clutched her throat in disgust. "_Ungh!"_

The Blue-Eyes chuckled to itself again, and the crowd screamed as it lunged toward it. But then, it stopped. Something was happening inside its throat. It peered down, and out sliced Joey! The Blue-Eyes, now in two pieces; head and body, collapsed.

"AWRIGHT! AWRIGHT! YOU'RE BAD! OK!" cheered Tristan.

"Gee Tristan…" said a disoriented Joey. "Dat…dat wasn't so hard…" he collapsed in a pool of slime.

"Kid, kid, kid!" said Tristan. "How many horns do you see?"

Joey, who was seeing triple, answered, "_Three…?"_

"Ah, close enough. Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Up on the mountain, Weevil was hyperventilating. Rex was shaking. The Blue-Eyes was dead?

"Guys, guys, _relax!"_ said Dartz. "It's only half-time!"

Joey was walking away with Tristan, when they heard a sound. "That doesn't sound good," declared Tristan. They looked up, and saw that the headless dragon was standing up! Its long and severed neck was healing, and suddenly it sprouted THREE MORE HEADS! It was now a Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon. "DEFINITELY NOT GOOD!" Tristan confirmed, handing Joey his sword again.

Joey whistled for Copernicus who immediately flew in to help as it started to rain. Joey got on Copernicus's back and flew around and around, slicing off one head after another. Of course, after one head was sliced off, three more took its place. Joey kept slicing and slicing and the heads just kept multiplying and multiplying until there were _thirty heads!_

"WILL YOU FORGET THE HEAD-SLICING THING!" yelled Tristan.

Joey kicked Copernicus in the side, ordering him to fly higher, "Ya!" They were doing fine, getting the heads to smash into one another, until a blow from one of the heads whipped Joey and Copernicus apart. Joey fell into the forest of necks, and slid down one like a slide. "TRISTAN! I DON'T THINK WE COVERED THIS ONE IN BASIC TRAINING! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" He was about to slide into a mouth, but another head chomped down in an attempt to get him while he was still on the neck. It missed, and the impact tossed Joey out of the tangle of necks and onto the side of a cliff. Before he could even grab on, the Blue-Eyes's claw pinned him to the wall of the cliff. There was nothing he could do now…

"My favorite part of the game," observed Dartz. "_Sudden death!"_

…or was there? Joey whammed his fists into the side of the mountain, creating a huge fissure. The mountain began to fall apart and in seconds it buried the Blue-Eyes…and Joey seemingly along with it. All that remained was a claw clenched into a fist.

"_Oh,"_ sighed Tristan. "_There goes another one. Just like before."_

"Game. Set. Match," said Dartz.

Suddenly, the fist of the monster began to move. People thought it was still alive, until they saw that Joey had been inside it the whole time, and had just now pried his way out. The crowd went wild and Copernicus did a flip.

Joey smiled and stepped out of the claw, waving at the spectators. The civilians lifted him upon their shoulders and carried him around.

"_Tristan," _Joey panted. "_You gotta admit…THAT…was pretty heroic!"_

"YA DID IT, KID! YOU DID IT YOU WON BY A LANDSLIDE!"

Dartz however, was infuriated. He grew red with anger and squeezed his minions' heads with his fists.

"_Well," _said Mai, pretty impressed. "_What do you know?" _And she applauded too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review, thanks!


	7. Zero to Hero

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 07: Zero to Hero**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Disney.

Author's Note: This song was a lot of fun to do, so I hope you like it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_From that day forward our boy Jonouchi could do no wrong. He was so hot, steam looked cool._

"_OH YEAH!_

_Bless my soul_

_Joe was on a roll!"_

"_Bishi of the week in every online fan-girl poll!"_

"_What a pro!"_

"_Joe could stop a show._

_Point him at a monster and you're talkin' S.R.O!_

"_He was a no one!"_

"_A zero. Zero."_

"_Now he's a honcho…._

_HE'S A HERO!_

_He was a kid with his act down pat! _(A/N: No idea what that means.)

_From zero to hero, in no time flat!_

_Zero to hero!_

"_Just like that!"_

"_When he smiled the girl went wild with_

"_Ooh"s and "Ahh"s!_

"_He could wield Slifer, Ob'lisk and the_

_Winged Dragon of Ra!"_

"_From appearance fees and royalties, _

_Our Joe had cash to burn!_

_Credit to Tristan Taylor,_

_He had taught Joe everything he'd learned!_

_Say amen!_

_There he goes again!_

_Sweet and undefeated!_

_And an awesome ten-for-ten!_

_Folks lined up _

_Just to watch him flex._

"_And his perfect peckers packed a pair o' pretty pecks!"_

"_Joey, he comes, he sees, he conquers._

_Honey, the crowds were _

_GOIN' BONKERS!_

_He got the moxie, brains and spunk! _(A/N: OK, so maybe not brains!)

_From zero to hero!_

"_A major hunk!"_

_Zero to hero!_

"_And who'd have thunk?"_

_Who puts the 'do' in Duel Monsters?_ (A/N: As in hairdo.)

_JO-NOU-CHI!_

_Who's more famous than Kevin Kostner? _(A/N: YOU think of a better rhyme for monster!)

_JO-NOU-CHI!_

"_Is he bold?"_

"_No one braver!"_

"_Is he sweet?"_

"_OUR FAVORITE FLAVOR!"_

_JO-NOU-CHI!_

_JO-NOU-CHI!_

_JO-NOU-CHI!_

_JO-NOU-CHI!_

_JO-NOU-CHI!_

_JO-NOU-CHI! (Etc.)_

_Bless my soul! Joe was on a roll!_

_Undefeated!_

_Riding high!_

"_And the nicest guy!"_

_Not conceited!_

_He was a nothing!_

"_Zero! Zero!"_

_Now he's a honcho!_

"_He's a hero!"_

_He hit the heights at breakneck_

_SPEED!_

_From zero to hero!_

_Joe is the hero!_

_Now he's a HERO!_

"_YES INDEED!"_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dartz was mad. Fuming. Literally. "PULL!" he yelled. Rex and Weevil threw another collectors' plate with Joey's face on it up in the air for Dartz to fire at.

"_Nice shootin', Dartz," _said Mai.

"I can't believe this guy!" huffed Dartz. "I throw EVERYTHING I've got at him, and it doesn't even--" he looked down at Rex's feet. "What. Are. THOSE?" Rex was wearing new sneakers…endorsed by Joey himself!

"Uh, I don't know…I thought they looked kind-of dashing," explained Rex.

"I've got twenty-four hours to get rid of this _bozo_…" Dartz began. "Or the entire scheme I've been setting up for EIGHTEEN YEARS…goes up in smoke. And you…_are wearing…HIS…**MERCHANDISE!"**_

Then he heard a slurping sound. Weevil was drinking some of Joey's endorsed sports-drink. "Uh…heh-heh…thirsty?" he offered Dartz.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!" Dartz blew a gasket. Literally. The whole mountain jumped.

Mai chuckled. "Looks like you're game's over. Wonder Boy's hitting every curve you throw at him."

Dartz got an idea from Mai's choice of words. "Oh yeah…hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm! I wonder if maybe I haven't been throwing the RIGHT curves at him, Mai-my-sweet," he hinted, meaning that _she_ herself was pretty curvy.

"_Don't even go there,"_ said Mai.

"See, he's got to have…a weakness because everybody's got…a weakness! I mean for…what…Arkana it was his girl Catherine, for Pegasus, hey, he bet on the wrong wooden horse. OK?" (A/N: Wooden horse meaning Mokuba, and I used Arkana instead of Pandora, because Pandora WAS his name in the manga!) "We simply need to find out Wonder Boy's."

"I've done my part. Get your little imps!" she said, referring to Rex and Weevil.

"_They couldn't handle him if he were dead. _I need someone who can…handle him as a man. Duel him if you have to."

"Hey, I've sworn off dueling," said Mai.

"Which is good, because actually, that's what got you into this jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to get better and stronger dueling skills, which you had to give up to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? _By running off back to Australia._ He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Mai?"

"Look, I learned my lesson, OK?" said Mai, pained by the memory.

"Which is why…I got a feeling you're gonna leap at my new offer," said Dartz. "OK? You give me the key to bringing down _Wonder Breath, _and I GIVE YOU the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos:" he lifted up a lock of her hair to whisper in her ear, "_Your freedom!"_ Mai gasped.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the museum in Domino (the stone tablets had moved there), Joey was talking to pharaoh Atem again.

"Ha! You shoulda been dere, Pharaoh!" he said. "I bashed da Battle Ox! Grappled wit da Gorgon's Eye! Just like Tristan told me: I analyzed the situation, controlled my strength…and KICKED!" he phantom-punched Copernicus, who pretended to die. "Da crowds went _wild!" _Joey made a fake cheering sound. "_T'ank you, t'ank you…"_

"Ha!" laughed Atem. "You're doing great, Joey. You're doing the old pharaoh proud."

"I'm glad to hear you say that, Pharaoh," said Joey. "I've been waiting for dis day a long time."

"Hmm, what day is that, Joey?" asked Atem.

"Da day…I rejoin your court!" said Joey, like it was so obvious.

"You've done wonderfully. You really have, Joey," explained Atem. "You're just…not quite _there_ yet. You haven't proven yourself a true hero."

"But Pharaoh…I've beaten every single monster I've come up against. I-I'm the most famous person in all of Japan- I- I-- I- I'M AN ACTION FIGURE!" he screeched, holding up an action figure of himself.

"I'm afraid being famous isn't the same as being a _TRUE HERO,"_ explained Atem.

"What more can I do?"

"It's something you have to discover for yourself."

"But Pharaoh…"

"Look inside your heart." And with that, the pharaoh disappeared.

"WAIT!" but it was too late. "NNNUNGHH!" Joey grunted, pounding the floor of the museum.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, a tour bus was going past Joey's mansion. "On your left we have Jonouchi's Vila. Our next stop is the gift shop where you can pick up the great hero's thirty-minute work-out DVD, _Buns of Brawn_," said the tour-guide.

Inside Joey's mansion, Joey was having his portrait painted and he had to pose wearing a Leogun's head. Tristan was reading his schedule to him.

"At one, you got an appointment with King Obvious. He's got a problem with the statements. I'd advise you not to wear your new sneakers…" (A/N: I was going to have it be Duke, since Duke tends to state the obvious when nobody else will (which is what I like about him), but I'd already used him in this story.)

"Tristan…"

"I told you DON'T MOVE!" said the painter. Joey quickly resumed his pose.

"…the Otoorii gate…at three, we've got to get a girdle from some Amazon Sword-Women!"

"Tristan…WHAT'S DA POINT?" yelled Joey, throwing his shield and sword down.

"DAAAIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" screeched the artist, painting scribbles all over the portrait. "THAT'S IT!" And he stomped off.

"Keep your kimono on, pal!" said Tristan. The artist just smashed his palate onto Tristan, giving him a clown-face of paint.

"What do you mean 'what's the point?'" asked Tristan. "You want to go to Egypt, don't you?"

"Yeah," agreed Joey, taking off the Leogun's head. "But dis stuff doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere."

"You can't quit now, I'm counting on you!"

"I gave dis everything I had…"

Tristan sighed. It was time for a pep-talk. "Listen to me, kid," he began. "I've seen 'em all. I'm telling ya, and this is the honest-to-Ra truth: you've got something I've never seen before!"

"_Really?"_

"I can feel it right down in these legs of mine. There is nothing you can't do, kid."

Suddenly, the front door burst open, and a dozen crazed fan-girls swarmed over to Joey. "AAAAHHHH!" they screamed.

"It's him! It's him!" they shouted. There were other indefinable squeals, among which was "I GOT HIS WRIST-BAND!" The girls just kept jumping on him and trying to salvage some authentic memorabilia.

"_Tristan…" _Joey gasped. "_HELP!"_

"_Escape plan beta!" _said Tristan.

"_Gotcha!"_

Tristan whistled. "Hey, where'd he go?" asked the fan-girls. Joey appeared to have…well, _disappeared!_

"There he goes! On the veranda!" yelled Tristan, luring the girls away. They all screamed and stampeded out the door, with Tristan chasing after them. "Ya ha ha!" he laughed to himself.

The open door slowly seemed to close by itself. But it was really Mai, who had been standing behind it the whole time. She looked around the empty room for Joey, and soon spied his shoes under a curtain.

"Let's see," she said. "What could be behind CURTAIN NUMBER ONE?"

"MAI!" said Joey, his voice cracking.

"Ha," chuckled Mai. "It's alright, _the sea of raging HORMONES has ebbed!" _She tapped her cheek to indicate that Joey had lipstick on his own.

"Gee, hey," he said, wiping it off. "It's great to see you. I, I, I- I missed you."

"So this is what heroes do on their days off?" said Mai, flopping herself down on a couch.

"Yah! I'm no hero!"

"Sure ya are," said Mai. "Everybody in Japan thinks you're the greatest thing since they put the _seaweed_ around _sushi!"_

"I know," laughed Joey. "It's crazy, y'know I can't go anywhere without being mobbed, I mean--"

"Ugh, you sound like you could use a break," Mai concluded. "Think your nanny-dude would go…berserk if you played hooky this afternoon?"

"Oh gee, I don't know. Uh, Tristan's got the rest o' the day pretty much booked…"

"Ah, Tristan Shmistan!" said Mai. "Just follow me, out the window, 'round the dumbbells, _you lift up the back wall and we're gone!"_

Joey couldn't argue with that!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They spent the whole day together, and were now taking a walk through the park, laughing.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Wow, what a day," said Joey. "First dat…restaurant by da bay…"

"Yeah," Mai agreed.

"And den dat, dat play, dat, dat, dat Oedipus t'ing? Man, I t'ought I had problems!"

"Ah ha…"

"Ah…hehh…"

Mai looked to her side at a birdbath, behind which were Weevil and Rex. "_Psst!"_ they hissed.

"_Stop foolin' around!"_ said Weevil.

"_Yeah!" _said Rex. "_Get the goods, sister!"_

"I never knew…dat playin' hooky could be so much fun!" said Joey.

"Yeah," said Mai. "_Neither did I."_

"T'anks, Mai."

"Oh…_don't thank me just yet,"_ said Mai, feeling a little guilty. "_Oh!" _she cried, pretending to trip.

"Whoop! Careful!" said Joey, catching her.

"Sorry. Weak ankles."

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe you'd better sit down for a while." He picked her up and carried her over to a bench.

"So…" said Mai. "Do you have any problems with things like this?" She kicked out her leg right in front of him.

"Uh…"

"Weak ankles, I mean," she finished.

"Uh…no…not really…" said Joey, gently folding her leg back down.

"No…weaknesses…whatsoever?" asked Mai again, sliding closer to him. "No…trick knees…or…ruptured _disks?"_ The strap of her dress had fallen down her left shoulder. Joey carefully lifted it back up.

"No!" he gulped. "I-I'm afraid I'm as…fit as a fiddle!"

"_Ugh, Wonder Boy, you ARE perfect,"_ muttered Mai.

"Heh. T'anks!" Joey skipped a rock into the fountain, and it broke the arms off a statue. "Whoops! Heh…!" Mai had to suppress her laugh.

"It looks better that way," she said. "No, it really does." They looked at each other and smiled. A shooting star went over the sky.

"You know," said Joey. "Whe-when I was a kid I-I would have given…anything to be exactly like everybody else."

"Ungh! You wanted to be petty and dishonest?"

"Everybody's not like dat."

"_Yes they are."_

"_You're not like that."_

"_How do you know what I'm like?"_

"All I know is…you're da most…amazing person wit…_weak ankles I've ever met!"_

Mai gulped and smiled at this tender compliment. She shrugged, and backed up into a statue… "Oh!" …of Cupid?

"Mai, when I'm wit you…" said Joey. "I, I don't feel so…alone."

"Sometimes it's better to be alone," said Mai.

"What do you mean?"

"_Nobody can hurt you."_

At this time, Joey realized that Mai had probably been hurt in her last relationship. He liked her too much to let her slip through his fingers for fear of getting hurt. "Mai?" he said, taking her hands and sitting down beside her. "I would never…_ever_…hurt you."

"And I don't want to hurt you," said Mai as their faces began inching toward one another. "So…let's both do ourselves a favor and…" Joey wasn't listening. She was hardly listening to herself. "…_stop this…before…we…"_

Suddenly, a huge light shone on them from above, like a helicopter on patrol. It was merely Tristan and Copernicus.

"ALRIGHT! BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! PARTY'S OVER! We've been looking all over this town!"

"CALM DOWN, TORPEDO-TOP," yelled Mai. "It was all my fault!"

"You're already on my list, sister! So don't make it worse!" Copernicus flapped his lips and breathed in her face, and snorted. She got him back by shutting off the flashlight that was tied to his head.

"And as for you, YA BUM!" yelled Tristan, grabbing Joey by his collar. "YOU'RE GONNA GO TO THE STADIUM, AND WE'RE GONNA BE PUTTIN' YOU TO WORK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! NOW GET ON THE HORSE!"

"OK, OK…" sighed Joey.

"I'm sorry," Mai said.

"_Ah, he'll get over it," _said Joey, pulling down the top of a tree just so he could pick a white flower from the branch. The tree snapped back up when he let go, and he handed the flower to Mai, kissing her on the cheek.

"MOVE!" yelled Tristan. "MOVEMOVEMOVEMOVEMOVE! MOVE!"

Joey walked backwards, waving at Mai, and hopped onto Copernicus. They started to fly away, barely missing branches.

"Watch it! Watch it!" yelled Tristan. He turned Joey's head completely around. "Keep your goo-goo eyes on the--" BAM! Tristan got smashed into a branch, which knocked him off the horse. "That's it! _Next time I drive…"_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review, thanks!


	8. I Won't Say I'm in Love

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 08: "I Won't Say I'm In Love"**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Disney.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mai sat on the edge of the fountain, dreamily admiring the flower Joey had given her. Suddenly, her expression changed when she realized that she had begun doing what she had sworn not to do: falling in love.

"Ugh, _what's the matter with me?" _she groaned. "_You'd think a girl would learn."_ Then she began to sing.

"If there's a prize for rotten judgment,

_Oh,_

I guess I've already won that.

No man is worth the aggravation…

That's ancient history.

Been there!

Done that!"

"_Who d'you think you're kidding?_

_He's the earth and heaven to ya!_

_Try to keep it hidden_

_Honey, we can see right through ya!"_

"Oh no…!"

"_Girl, you can't conceal it. _

_We know how you're feeling, _

_Who you're thinking of!"_

"Oh!

No chance!

No way!

I won't say it

No, no."

"_You swoon, _

_You sigh,_

_Why deny it?_

_Uh-oh!"_

"It's too cliché.

I won't say I'm in _love…_

"I thought my heart had learned its lesson.

It feels so good when you start out.

My head is screaming 'GET A GRIP, GIRL!'

'Unless you're dyin' to CRY YOUR HEART OUT!'

Oh…!"

"_You keep on denying_

_Who you are and how you're feeling_

_Baby, we're not buying._

_Hon', we saw ya hit the ceiling!"_

"Oh…whoa…!"

"_Face it like a grown-up._

_When're you gonna holla_

_That you've got_

_Got_

_Got it bad?"_

"Whoa…oh!

"No chance!

No way!

I won't say it

No, no."

"_Give up._

_Give in._

_Check the grin,_

_You're in love!"_

"This scene

Won't play.

I won't say I'm in LOVE!"

"_You're doin' flips._

_Read our lips._

_YOU'RE IN LOVE!"_

"You're way off base,

I won't say it."

"_She won't say it. No."_

"Get off my case.

I won't say it!"

"_Girl, don't be proud._

_It's OK_

_You're in love."_

"Oh…at least out loud…I won't say I'm in…_love."_

"_Shoo-doo, shoo-doo. Sha-la-la-la-la-la…hahhh!"_

Mai lay down on the fountain, finally accepting her current state of emotions. Suddenly, Dartz appeared.

"So, what's the buzz, huh, Mai?" he asked. "What is the weak-link in Wonder Boy's chain?"

"Get yourself another girl, _I'm through!" _she said.

"I'm sorry, you mind running that by me again, I must have had a fragment of the Orichalcos stone…wedged in my ear or something--"

"THEN READ MY LIPS! _Forget it!"_

"Mai, Mai, Mai," said Dartz, swooping in front of her. "My sweet, deluded, little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy but ever-so-crucial, little, tiny detail? I OWN YOU!"

Just then, Tristan was coming too after being hit in the face with a branch. "Ohh…" he moaned, feeling a lump on his head. "I got another spike here!" he flattened it back down into his head. "That kid's going to be doing laps for a month!" Then he heard Dartz talking to Mai.

"…If I say sing you say 'hey, name that tune,'" he was saying. "If I say I want Wonder Boy's head on a platter, you say…?"

"Medium or well-done?" Mai answered submissively.

Tristan gasped at hearing this. "_I knew that dame was trouble," _he said. "_This is going to break the kid's heart!" _And with that, he hurried back to tell Joey.

"…'O Oneness!" continued Dartz.

"I'll work on that," said Mai.

"You hear that? That's the sound of your freedom. Fluttering out the windows. Forever!"

"I don't care!" said Mai. "I'm not going to help you hurt him!"

Dartz sighed. "I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some…guy!" he said, trying to appear sympathetic to his slave.

"This one is different!" Mai insisted. "He's honest, and, and he's sweet…"

"_Please," _moaned Dartz.

"…he would never do anything to hurt me."

"He's a guy!"

"Besides, _O Oneness_," said Mai, mocking him by over-annunciating the term he demanded she call him. "You can't beat him! He has no weaknesses! He's gonna--" She turned around to see Dartz right in her face.

"I think…he does, Mai," he said. "I truly think…_he does."_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, at the stadium, Joey was running and doing flips over the horse when Tristan got back with the news. Joey was laughing in glee. He had so much energy. He was stoked from being in love.

"Ha ha!" Tristan patted Copernicus on the head as he walked over to Joey. "Hey, Tristan. What happened to you?" asked Joey.

"Kid, we've got to talk--"

"Aw, Tristan," said Joey, picking him up and swinging him around. "I just had da greatest day of my life! I can't- I can't stop thinking about Mai!" He sighed and said, "She's something else."

"Kid!" Tristan yelled at Joey, who was swinging around on the parallel pars. "I'm tryin' to talk you ya. Will you come down here and listen?"

"Aw, how can I come down dere when I'm feelin' so…UP?" he did a flip and jumped high into the sky.

Suddenly, something whistled at Copernicus. It was a beautiful, pink horse! Copernicus's tongue rolled right out of his mouth, and he dreamily followed the horse into a shed. It was there that he realized it was merely a hologram…operated by Weevil and Rex. They had lured him away from Joey. "Gotcha!" they said.

"Yeah, very nice! What I'm tryin' to say is--" Tristan continued.

"And if it wasn't for you I never woulda met her!" said Joey. "Ah, I owe you big time, big guy, I do!" Joey just kept ignoring Tristan's attempts to talk to him. "_Rule 38! Hey Tristan! Keep 'em up dere, huh?" _he said in a silly voice, trying to box with Tristan. "Tristan, I got two words for ya: DUCK!"

Tristan ducked his head between his shoulders. "Listen to me, she's--"

"A dream come true?"

"Not exactly!"

"More beautiful than the Harpy Lady?"

"Aside from that--!"

"The most wonderful--"

"SHE'S A FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUD!" screamed Tristan. "She's been playing you for a sap!"

"Aw come on," said Joey. "Stop kiddin' around!"

"I'm not kidding around!" said Tristan.

"I knew you were upset about today, but dat's no reason to--"

"Kid, you're missing the point!"

"Point is, I love her!"

"She don't love you!"

"You're crazy!"

"She's nothing but a two-timing…"

"Stop it!"

"No-good, lying, scheming--"

"SHUT UP!" Joey spat, slapping Tristan and sending him flying into a pile of chains and weights. Shocked at his own outburst of anger, Joey looked frightened. "…Tristan…" he said softly. "I…I'm sorry…"

"Ok. OK, that's it," muttered Tristan. "You won't face the truth? _Fine."_

"Tristan…wait. Where you going?" asked Joey.

"_I'm hopping the first barge out of here. I'm going home," _said Tristan.

Rather than getting all apologetic, Joey just resumed his training. "Fine!" he scoffed. "Go! I don't…I don't need you."

Tristan looked back one last time. "_I thought you were going to be the all-time champ…not the all-time chump."_

Joey looked over his shoulder when suddenly the lights went out.

"Geez-Louise, what got his goat, huh?" said a voice. Joey looked up to see Dartz relaxing on the parallel bars. He did a flip off of them and landed in front of Joey. "Baboom. Name is Dartz, King of Atlantis. Hi, how you doin'?"

"Ah, not now, OK?" said Joey.

"Ah-hey-I-only-need-a-few-minutes-and-I'm-a-fast-talker-alright? See-I've-got-this-major-deal-in-the-works…real-estate-venture-if-you-will, and Joe, you little devil you, may I call you Joe? You seem to be _constantly_ getting in the way of things."

"You've got da wrong guy," said Joey, pushing past him.

"HEAR ME OUT, YOU LITTLE--!" Dartz snarled through gritted teeth. "Just…_hear me out, OK? _So, I would be…eternally grateful if you would just…take a day off from this hero business of yours. Geez, I mean monsters, natural disasters, PFFT! You wait a day, huh?"

"You're out of your mind!" said Joey.

"Not so fast!" said Dartz. "Because you see I do have a little leverage…you MIGHT want to know about!" He snapped his fingers, and Mai appeared.

"Mai!" cried Joey.

"Don't listen to him--!" she managed to say, before Dartz used Shadow Magic to bind and gag her. She collapsed on the ground, and disappeared.

"Let her go!" said Joey. He tried to tackle Dartz, but he went right through him, Dartz being a specter and all.

"Here's the trade off:" said Dartz. "You give up your strength for about twenty-four hours, OK? Say the NEXT twenty-four hours and Mai here is as free as a bird and safe from harm we dance we kiss we schmooze we carry on we go home happy _whaddaya say, come on?"_

Joey was hesitant. "People a-are gonna get hurt, aren't dey?"

"Nah! I mean it's… y'know it's a possibility…y'know it happens…it's war but what can I tell you? Anyway, what do you owe these people? Isn't Mai…" he began making strange baby-talking noises while holding Mai's face. "Isn't she more important than they are?"

"Stop it!"

"ISN'T SHE?"

"You've gotta SWEAR she'll be safe from ANY harm!"

"Fine!" said Dartz. "I'll give you that one. Mai is safe, otherwise you get your strength right back, yadda-yadda, fine-print. Boilerplate. Whatever. Whaddaya say we shake on it?" He held his hand out for Joey, and them immediately started talking again. "And, I really don't have like TIME to bat this around, I'm kind-of on a tight schedule, I got plans for August, OK? I need and answer like NOW! Going once!" Joey looked at Mai who shook her head desperately. "Going twice!"

"Alright!"

"Yes! We're THERE!" shouted Dartz, grasping Joey's hand. Joey's strength got sucked right out of him. His skin went from fleshy-pink to brownish-gray. He sank down, feeling completely drained. "You may feel just a little queasy," said Dartz. "It's kinda natural may you should…SIT DOWN!" and he chucked a huge barbell at him, which easily knocked him down. "_Now you know how it feels to be just like everybody else. Isn't it just…peachy?_ Oh," he laughed. "You'll love this. One more thing." Dartz turned to Mai and snapped his fingers, freeing her from her bondage. "Mai, _babe,_ a deal's a deal. You're off the hook."

Mai gasped.

"And by the way, Joe," said Dartz. "Is she not like a fabulous little actress?"

"_Stop it!"_ hissed Mai.

"What do you mean?" said Joey.

"I mean your little chickie-poo here…was working for me all the time. _DUH?"_

"You…you're lying!" cried Joey.

Rex and Weevil ran up to Joey and repeated their speech from back when he'd rescued them. "Help! COUGH COUGH!"

"Jeepers Mister, you're really strong!"

"Couldn't have done it with out you, sugar…" said Dartz.

"No!" cried Mai.

"Sweetheart…_babe!" _Dartz continued as Mai ran over to Joey.

"It's not like that!" she pleaded. "I didn't mean to…I-I couldn't…" Joey pushed her away. "_I'm so sorry."_

"OUR HERO'S A ZERO! OUR HERO'S A ZERO!" Rex and Weevil added, pouring dirt and sports drink on Joey as he collapsed in despair. Mai was crying too.

"Well, gotta blaze," said Dartz. "There's a whole COSMOS out there, waiting for me. With hey, my name on it! SO MUCH FOR THE PRELIMINARIES AND NOW ON TO THE MAIN EVENT!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review, thanks!


	9. Clash With the Titans

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 09: Clash With the Titans**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Disney.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dartz returned to his lair in Atlantis, which had bow risen to the surface. He summoned five special monsters out of the wall. These five monsters were known as the Titans.

"BROTHERS!" he yelled. "TITANS! LOOK AT YOU IN YOUR SQUALID PRISON! WHO PUT YOU DOWN THERE?"

"ATEM!" they all howled.

"AND NOW THAT I SET YOU FREE, WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU ARE GOING TO DO?"

"DESTROY HIM!"

"Good answer."

"_Crush Atem!"_ said the Rock Ogre.

"_Freeze him!" _said the Ice Knight. (A/N: I had to look around online to find an ice-type monster. It's so much easier with Pokemon- I know what's what in that field.)

"_Melt Atem!" _said the Lava Golem.

"_Blow…him…AWAY!" _said Garuda the Wind Spirit. (A/N: Yep, had to check online for that too.)

"ATEM!" they all roared, marching away.

"Uh, guys?" said Dartz. They all turned and looked. "Egypt would be that way."

After a moment of stupefaction, the Titans turned and went in the right direction, shouting, "ATEM!"

"Hold it there, Bright-Eye!" said Dartz to the last Titan, the Hitotsu-me Giant. "I have a special job for you, my optic friend!"

Meanwhile, in Egypt, in the Pharaoh's Memory World, Atem and Isis were reveling in royalty, eating grapes, when suddenly, Shimon spotted the Titans. "Oh! We're in trouble! Oh big trouble! Milord and lady," he said, breathlessly. "The Titans have escaped…AND THEY'RE PRACTICALLY AT OUR GATES!"

"SOUND THE ALARM!" ordered Atem. "LAUNCH AN IMMEDIATE COUNTER-ATTACK! GO! GO!"

"Gone, babe," said Shimon. In an instant, he was running around the palace, blowing his horn. All the sorcerers of the pharaoh's court sprung into action.

"On to battle!" said Mahad.

Atem attempted to fight back the Rock Ogre that was reaching his palace, but it was no use-- his Shadow Magic was not enough, and it simply rolled right off the Titan. Finally it reached the gates of the palace, and smashed them open.

"Boom-badaboom-boom-boom!" cheered Dartz from his carriage. "Ha!"

Meanwhile, back in Domino (and the present), the Hitotsu-Me Giant was terrorizing the city, looking for Joey.

"Jonouchi…!" he roared. "Where are you?" He lifted up a building, and threw it into the town square. He knocked over some lamps and somehow started a fire.

"What should we do?" cried a woman.

"Where's Jonouchi?" trembled a man.

"Yeah!" said the toothless old man. "Jonouchi'll thave uth!" He pointed to the statue of Joey that the citizens had constructed, only to see the Hitotsu-Me Giant kick it into pieces.

"JONOUCHI!" he roared. "COME OUT AND FACE ME!"

Joey trudged out of the stadium, ready to fight, even though it was pointless.

"What are you doing?" cried Mai. "Without your strength you'll be killed!"

"Dere are worse t'ings," said Joey, pushing her aside.

"Wait! STOP!"

"It's Jonouchi!" cried the citizens when Joey appeared on the square.

"Thank Ra! We're saved!"

"So," he said. "You famous Jonouchi! Ha ha ha ha!" He poked Joey for fun, and then slapped him into his own billboard. "AH HA! HA HA!"

Mai cringed as she saw the man she loved get battered and beaten, and then she heard whinnying. She found Copernicus tied up in a closet of the stadium.

"Easy, horse-feathers!" she said, cautiously approaching him. "Woah! Stop twitching!" She untied him. "Listen! Joey is in trouble!"

Copernicus's ears perked up at this.

"We've got to find Tristan, he's the only one who can talk some sense into him!" The next thing Mai knew, she was on the horse's back, clinging to his neck for dear life. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!"

Back at the pharaoh's palace, they were still trying to fight the Titans, but to no avail. "GET BACK, YOU!" yelled Atem.

The Rock Ogre smashed apart the walls surrounding the palace.

"Whoa! Chihuahua!" said Dartz.

"ATEM!" yelled the Lava Golem, barfing lava all over the pharaoh. The Ice Knight then combined its ice powers to cool the lava, trapping Atem in a mountain of rock.

Back at Domino, Tristan was at a port, ready to sail back home. "HURRY UP!" yelled the captain of the ferry. "WE'RE SHOVING OFF HERE!"

"TRISTAN!" screamed Mai. She was now completely calm riding Copernicus. "Tristan, Joey needs your help!"

"What does he need me for when he's got friends like you?" barked Tristan.

"He won't listen to me!"

"Good! He's finally learned something!" Copernicus flew right in front of Tristan, so that he couldn't take another step.

"Look," said Mai. "I know what I did was wrong but this isn't about me, it's about him. If you don't help him now, Tristan, he'll die!"

Back at the pharaoh's palace, Atem and his team were seriously losing. "I NEED MORE MONSTERS!" he yelled.

"Ah, the monsters have been captured, milord," said Shimon. "Everyone's been captured. I'VE been captured!" Rex and Weevil carried him away. "Hey! Hey! Watch the hat!"

Suddenly, Dartz appeared. "Atemmy, I'm home!" he said, imitating Ricky from 'I Love Lucy.' (A/N: I figured I'd better give credit to that, too.)

"Dartz…" said Atem, still walled up in rock. "YOU'RE BEHIND THIS?" (A/N: Um…duh.)

"You're correct, sir!"

And back in Domino, the Hitotsu-Me Giant was kicking Joey around like a soccer ball. "Ah ha ha ha ha! Flea!" he said. And with a flick of his finger, he sent Joey flying into a pile of broken pillars.

"JOEY!" came a voice. It was Tristan and Mai, flying on Copernicus.

"_Tristan!" _panted Joey.

"Come on, kid. Come on, fight back! _Come on you can take this bum, this guy's a pushover! Look at him!"_ said Tristan.

"You were right all along, Tristan…" said Joey, glaring at Mai. "Dreams are for rookies!"

"No, no, no, no, no, no. Kid. Giving up is for rookies!" said Tristan. "I came back 'cause I'm not quitting on you! I'm willing to go the distance. _How 'bout you?"_

But before Joey could even stand up, the Hitotsu-Me Giant grabbed him in his huge fist. "Me bite off head!" he announced.

On the ride up to his mouth, Joey grabbed a piece of burning wood and hurled it into the Titan's eye. It screamed in pain, and dropped Joey. He grabbed some rope and wound it around its fat legs. The Titan lost its balance and tumbled into the sea. (A/N: Got that 'tumbled into the sea' bit right from the Disney Adventures magazine.) "AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

There was a huge THUD. Joey panted, getting up from his knees…just as a pillar began to topple.

"Joey…LOOK OUT!" cried Mai, pushing him out of the way. The pillar fell on her.

"Mai…NOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Joey. He ran to the pillar, and tried to lift it up, even without his strength. Suddenly, he felt his strength return, and he lifted the pillar above his head with ease. "What's happening?"

"D-Dartz's deal is broken…" said Mai. "_Ungh! He promised I wouldn't get hurt…"_

Joey ran to her side. "Mai…wh-why, why did you…? You didn't have to…"

"_Ungh. People always do crazy things…" _Mai grunted. "_When they're in love."_

"Oh…Mai," said Joey, so happy and so scared at the same time. "Mai, I…I…I…"

"_Are you…always this articulate?"_ asked Mai, jokingly. Joey smiled. "_You haven't got much time. You can still stop Dartz."_

"I'll watch over her, kid," said Tristan.

"You're going to be alright," said Joey. "_I promise."_ Then, he got on Copernicus and headed for Egypt. "Let's go, Copernicus!"

Things weren't going to well for everyone in the Pharaoh's Memory World. Rex and Weevil had all the sorcerers and servants in chains. "Hup-two-three-four! Come on, everybody!" yelled Rex. "I can't HEAR you!"

"Agh!" moaned Shimon.

"_I swear to you, Dartz," _said Atem, just being swallowed up by the cooling lava completely. "_When I get out of…"_

"_I'm the one giving orders now, Bolt-Boy!" _said Dartz, referring to how Atem's locks of blonde hair looked like lightning bolts. "And I think I'm going to like it here!"

"Don't get too comfortable, Dartz!" came a voice.

"Jonouchi!" cried Mahad.

"THIS OUGHTA EVEN THE ODDS!" Joey and Copernicus swooped in and Joey sliced the chains with his sword.

"NYAH!" yelled Dartz.

"Yeah, Jonouchi! Thank you, man!" said Shimon, happily.

"Get them!" ordered Dartz. The Lava Golem barfed lava, but Joey dodged it, and it ended up all over Dartz. "No! Get him! Not me!" The Ice Knight shot projectiles of sharp icicles at Joey, but he skillfully punched them into snow. "Follow the fingers!" yelled Dartz, pointing. "Him!" Then the Ice Knight accidentally froze Dartz. "The yutz with the horse!" he said, frozen stiff.

Copernicus let Joey off at the mountain of hardened lava, and Joey pried Atem out. "DYAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!" screamed Dartz, exploding out of his icy straight-jacket.

"Thank you, my friend," said Atem.

Copernicus had a score to settle with Weevil and Rex, who had tricked him with that fraud of a female horse. He pelted them on the heads with his hooves many times over.

The monsters had been freed now too, and Atem had power over them once more. "NOW WATCH THE OLD PHARAOH WORK!"

"Uh-oh!" said the Rock Ogre. Atem summoned the Black Luster Soldier to do battle, and it struck a bolt of electricity at the Titan, shattering its head.

The Titans were afraid now, and began to retreat. "Guys!" yelled Dartz. "Get your titanic rears in gear, and kick some Egyptian BUTT!"

Soon, Garuda the Wind Spirit began to whip up a tornado. Joey grabbed the tornado by the tip of its funnel, wound it around and around like a lasso, collecting up the remaining titans, including Garuda, and hurled them off into space, where they exploded together.

"Ha! Ha!" laughed Atem.

"Woo-hoo!" cheered Joey, high-fiving the pharaoh.

"Thanks a ton, Wonder Boy!" yelled Dartz. "But at least I've got one swell consolation prize; a friend of yours…who's DYING to see me!"

Joey stopped short riding Copernicus as he realized whom Dartz was talking about. "MAI!" he gasped.

The Ishtars, back in their own little world, (wherever that may be) were toying with threads of life again. This time it was Mai's. Copernicus rushed to Mai as fast as his wings could carry him, but he wasn't fast enough. The Ishtars cut the thread…and Mai's hand went limp.

"Mai!" huffed Joey as he got off of Copernicus. Tristan looked over his shoulder, and shook his head. "Mai…_no!"_ cried Joey, his voice cracking. He picked up Mai's lifeless body, and hugged it close to him, crying without tears. Even Copernicus whinnied sadly; he may not have liked Mai at first, but he felt bad for Joey.

"_Aw, I'm sorry kid," _said Tristan, tears falling from his own eyes. "_There's some things you just can't change."_

Joey looked up determinedly. "…yes I can!"

Back in Atlantis, which by this time had once again sunk below the sea, Dartz was having a spaz. "AGH! DAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH! WE WERE SO CLOSE!" he screamed. "So close! We tripped at the finish line, and why? Because our little _Mai has to go all noble!"_

Suddenly, Joey appeared. "Where's Mai?" he demanded.

"Wonder Boy!" said Dartz. "You are too much!"

Joey grabbed Dartz by the collar. "Let. Her. Go!"

"Get a grip! Come here, let me show you something," said Dartz. He led Joey over to a huge wall of stones. On each stone there was an engraving of someone whose soul was now trapped in the wall. Joey saw Mai. "MAI!" he yelled. He tried to reach out to the wall, but his hand went right through it, like the wall was just made of air. When he pulled his hand back, it was all bony and decrepit. "Ugh!"

"Ah, no, no, no, no. Mustn't touch!" said Dartz as the form and color came back into Joey's hand. "You see, Mai's running with a different crowd these days, and not a very lively one at that!"

Joey pondered his options for a moment. Then he came to a conclusion: even if they couldn't be together, he loved Mai too much to leave her soul trapped on a wall while he got to go on living. "You like making deals," he said to Dartz. "Take me in Mai's place."

"Hmm," said Dartz. "The heir to my hated rival trapped forever on a wall of death."

"Going once!" said Joey, imitating the way Dartz had tempted him.

"Hmm, is there a down-side to this?" mumbled Dartz to himself.

"Going twice!"

"OK! OK! Alright! OK! You get her out. She goes. _You stay."_ Joey stepped into the wall, and found himself swimming among souls. "Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her. THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM, IS IT?"

Joey swam and swam. He seemed to age and grow weaker and skinnier with every stroke. The Ishtars were going to cut his thread of life next. They held it out and pulled out the scissors. Joey reached out his hand, reaching for Mai…and the Ishtars squeezed the scissors…but nothing happened. The thread glowed suddenly. "What's the matter with these scissors?" asked Marik.

"The thread won't cut!" said Ishizu.

Dartz's upper lip twitched towards his nose as he saw Joey emerge from the wall, alive and healthy, carrying the transparent figure that was Mai's soul. "This is…this is impossible!" said Dartz. "You, you can't be alive! You'd have to be a…!"

"A yami?" asked Rex and Weevil in unison.

"YEAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!" screamed Dartz. "JOEY! WAIT! STOP! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME--!" **POW! **Joey punched in his face. Dartz uttered a muffled 'OK' before his face popped back out completely. "Ha! _OK, well I deserved that!_ Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe, can we talk? The pharaoh…he-he's a fun guy…so maybe you can get him to just…y'know blow this whole thing over…? Mai, Mai, talk to him!" he picked up the head of Mai's soul, shoving it in Joey's face. Joey had had enough. With a final, rage-powered punch, he sent Dartz hurdling into the wall, where he was grabbed and groped by all the souls. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH! Get off! Don't touch me! Get your slimy souls off me!" he yelled.

"He's not going to be happy when he gets out of there!" cringed Weevil.

"You mean IF he gets out of there!" said Rex.

"_IF. IF is good!"_

"Oh…I don't feel so good…" moaned Dartz.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review, thanks!


	10. A Star is Born

**Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Hercules Chapter 10: A Star is Born**

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Disney.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joey returned to where Mai had fallen, and gently laid her soul back in her body. Almost immediately, the color returned to her skin and she breathed in. Joey smiled. Tristan waved to Copernicus to look. Mai looked up at Joey and smiled.

"_Wonder Boy," _she said. "Wh-why did you…?"

"_People always do crazy t'ings…" _Joey's voice seemed to echo. "…_when dey're in love." _He raised an eyebrow as he said this. Mai smiled and the two leaned in to kiss when suddenly, they were transported to the Pharaoh's Memory World. Copernicus scooped up Tristan and hopped into the portal to follow them.

They arrived at the palace, which was now fully restored, and the entire court of the pharaoh was waiting there for him.

"Three cheers for Jonouchi!" bellowed Mahad.

"Yeah! Flowers for everyone!" said Shimon, throwing flowers everywhere. Tristan caught one, and fed it to Copernicus.

Joey looked at Mai with a smile, and then ascended the stairs to the pharaoh's throne. "Jonouchi," said Isis. "_We're so proud of you!" _She embraced him.

"Isis…" he said with a chuckle.

"Fine work, my friend, YOU'VE DONE IT!" said the pharaoh. "You're a true hero."

"_You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman," _explained Isis.

"For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength…but by the strength of his heart. Now at last, my friend, you can come home!" The gates opened up to the court, but Joey wasn't so sure anymore.

Mai was sad. She knew she wasn't worthy of living on the pharaoh's court. "_Congratulations, Wonder Boy. You'll make one heck of a yami." _She hung her head and began walking away. Joey saw her.

"Pharaoh," he began. "Dis is da moment I've always dreamed of. But…" he caught up with Mai and took her hand. "A life wit'out Mai…even an immortal life…would be…empty. I…I wish to stay on Earth wit her." Mai hugged him. "I finally know where I belong!"

Atem and Isis were a little disappointed, but they nodded in approval. They understood Joey's love for Mai. Joey and Mai leaned in and kissed. Joey opened his eyes when he felt Mai wrap her arms around his neck and he lifted her off the ground.

"Hit it, ladies!" said Shimon to the Harpy Lady Sisters.

"OH!

I'm'a shout it from the mountain tops!"

"_A star is born!"_

"It's a time for pulling out the stops!"

"_A star is born!"_

"Honey, hit it with a hallelu…

"That kid came sailing through

So sing the song

And blow your horn!

A star is born!"

"He's a hero who can please the crowd!"

"_A star is born!"_

"Come on everybody shout it out loud!"

"_A star is born!_

"_Just remember in the darkest hour_

_Within your heart's the power_

_For making you_

_A hero too!_

_So don't lose hope when you're forlorn!"_

Joey, Mai, Tristan and Copernicus returned to the present, where the astronomers had just picked out a constellation for Joey. One man pointed to it and said "That's Tristan's boy!" Tristan shed a tear as his dream came true.

"_Just keep your eyes_

_Up on the skies!_

_Every night a star is_

_Right in sight a star is_

_Burning bright_

_A star is born!"_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE END


End file.
